Pebbles and Tobacco: Letting Go on the Cotswold Way

We all carry a backpack—a practical way to hold the things that help us move through our days. And then there is the stuff that comes along for the ride.

Stories we didn’t write.

Expectations that feel like burdens.

Beliefs that once protected us… but now feel too heavy.

I recently returned from a solo adventure walking the Cotswold Way, a 102-mile route through the rural regions of south-central England. This was my bold adventure, but the expression “wherever you go, there you are” held true, so in addition to the necessities, my backpack was full of my FUD—my fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

Enter Pebbles and Tobacco.

The pebbles and tobacco was an assignment (or, as my dear friend Shelley Keyes says, an invitation). Shelley invited me to take 10 pebbles, one for each day of my walk. I was to leave a pebble on the trail, representing something I wanted to release, let go of, or that no longer served me. Tobacco, she tells me, is a First Nations offering to the earth to be sprinkled where I left the pebble – an offering of gratitude.

Though I thought of many things I could leave on the trail when I accepted the invitation, I didn’t orchestrate the ‘what” of the pebbles; rather, I wanted to let them find me along the way.

I ended up leaving more than one pebble each day as opportunities bubbled up in me as I walked – all of them meaningful, many quite emotional. On most days, I pretty much had the trail to myself, so my emotions weren’t blocked or hidden; they flowed.

Today, I share three of my pebbles with you.

The first several pebbles were about CONTROL. Control is a hard one for me — hence the multiple pebbles. Control has a front of order, discipline, and organization, but in my body, it feels like complete chaos. I believed control promised safety… rather, it demands that I abandon presence.

I found myself focused on mileage, time, and getting to my destination, rather than delighting in the fresh country air and breathtaking views. I was measuring progress instead of breathing joy.

Today, I release the need to control. Instead, choose to be PRESENT and to “be where my feet are”.

About halfway through my walk, I left a pebble to let go of Comparison.

You see, the day before I met Alice, a 42-year-old woman from Boston. She was walking the Cotswold Way in seven days. I was walking it ten days. She called out to me about a half mile from the B&B, which would be my resting place that night, as she suspected that we were headed to the same place. We were.

The following day, we headed to the same place too. It was going to be a 14.5-mile day, with quite a bit of steep up-and-down walking. Alice was going to walk the whole way. I chose to catch a bus down the road, cutting my walking distance to about 9 miles. We had breakfast together, then Alice hit the trail earlier than I did.

For much of that day, my thoughts were on Alice! I wasn’t afraid she’d catch up with me. I was afraid that she’d see me- slower, dragging, different…and I decided I wasn’t enough.

Today, I let go of comparing or judging myself against others. I am always enough, and I am proud to be on this journey of self-reflection.

On the final day, as I walked the 9.7 miles from Cold Ashton to Bath, the trail passed through the actual field of the final stage of the Battle of Lansdown – the English Civil War of 1643.

The signage at the site told the story of two men: Sir William Waller and Sir Ralph Hopton. The two had been friends in their youth and had shared many adventures as volunteers during the 30-Year War.  However, during the civil war, they found themselves on opposing sides.

A few days before the final battle, Waller wrote a letter to Hopton:

“That great God knows with what a sad sense I go upon this service, and with what a perfect hatred I detest this war without an enemy, but I look upon it as the work of the Lord…  We are both upon the stage and must act those parts that are assigned to us in this tragedy… Whatsoever the issue be, I shall never willingly relinquish the dear title of your affectionate friend.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks! Though I had distanced myself from the news during my travels, I could feel the angst and despair of the political divide that lies heavily over my home and my heart.

Was I relinquishing or distancing myself from my affectionately held relationships because we had different perspectives? I know that’s not what I want, nor is it who I want to be, but the challenge is real.

After walking through this hollowed field, I picked up a stone and left it on the Cotswold Way marker.

Today, I let go of seeing only sides and opposition:  blue or red, right or wrong, good or bad. Instead, I choose to see people who, like me, are doing the best they can with what they have. I choose relationships and come from a place of love and trust in humanity.

It’s cathartic to ritualize  ‘letting go’ … to speak it, leave it, and bless the thoughts, beliefs, and actions that no longer serve our highest good. Maybe that’s the real offering: the permission to travel lighter through life.

If you were to place one pebble down today – just one- what belief, story, or burden would you let the earth hold for you?